So Close

I was going to hold off writing about the deployment again until my husband is home because that’s how painstakingly close we are. I have known an estimated date of arrival since the end of December/beginning of January and have been avoiding any thoughts about it until recently to help prevent the inevitable time warp-like slow down that happens when you are anticipating something exciting.

Before I met Eric, I didn’t know what it meant to truly miss someone. The first weekend he was gone was so hard and I cried so many tears over the unimaginable nine months I had to endure without him. With his homecoming “date” quickly approaching I finally let myself start to get excited, to begin the things around the house that needed to be done, and to look at what I had to “get through” until he was home.

This morning I found out I need to add on about eight days to my countdown. Eight days might not seem like a long time but right here, right now it feels like an eternity. Twelve hours later and I still can’t begin to proces those eight extra days. They hurt to talk to about, they hurt to think about.

I just want him home.

Falling Into Place

My biggest struggle with being married to the military, and in life in general, is making peace with the unknowns. I am a planner and like to know what the future holds. These past two years I’ve become better about rolling with the punches and letting what happens, happen.

With Eric’s end of service date approaching and our plans to start a family set I’m itching to have at least a general sense of direction for us.

After a few conversations over Facebook chat, because that’s where all important discussions should take place, Eric and I have a road map of sorts for the next two years.

And, breathe out. I feel so much better knowing that we aren’t heading into 2014 with two potential major changes – a baby and an unemployed husband – and figuring it out as we go. Yes, I know there will be bumps along the way and not all will work out as planned, but at least we now have a destination in mind.

What are these grandiose plans, you ask? Number one and the biggest of all is to start growing our family. Next is the decision to move when our lease is up in July. I really hate that we do not have any outdoor space so I am going to look at a nicer apartment complex tonight and another one on Saturday. And finally, Eric is going to start working towards his bachelor’s degree when he gets home. I want him to be college-educated and I want him to take advantage of his GI Bill as he does not have the option to pass it along to our children. While he is in school I will continue working until mid-2014 when I will begin looking for a job down in the Tampa area where we want to move. Once I secure a job Eric will transfer schools and we will finally have reached most of our big goals.

Here’s to hoping for a successful few years and a lot of good times along the way.

Thoughts

This blog is a journal of sorts for me. I love the art of writing and looking back at where I was in life at different times. I had mentioned in a past post how Eric and I had wanted to try and get pregnant when we came home from deployment only to later find out that our Tricare coverage was ending sooner than we thought. These past few months I have been struggling with the fact that I so badly want to start a family. Family and friends are having babies they didn’t plan and it made me jealous. After being hired on permanently at work I find myself, finally, where I should be. Eric has done such a great job of saving while he is deployed and we know I can carry our insurance when Eric gets out of the Army but we are living in a city we don’t want to stay in. We couldn’t possibly risk the chance of getting pregnant and bringing a baby into this world with so many uncertainties in our future. Not only that, but if we do move like we so badly want to we would have to wait even longer so I can build up time at a job I don’t even know if I could find.

Eric has handled my very loud frustrations about our situation with both grace and understanding. While I was home over the holidays Eric brought up the idea of extending his contract. At first I was adamantly against the idea but he explained that it would only be for a few months. I was still hesitant, I know how ready he is to be done with this chapter in life but we quickly came to realize that perhaps a few months longer in the Army wouldn’t hurt. We would have free health care for a little longer, he would have guaranteed employment for a little longer, and most importantly, it opens up the opportunity for us to try and get pregnant.

If we do not get pregnant by June we again have to put family planning on the back burner but I am so excited and so is Eric. It’s finally our turn.

Looking Forward

2012 was a really good year for me even though half of it was spent so far from Eric. I am so blessed to have a fantastic husband, a great job, and a beautiful new car.

I think I finally grew up this year. I knew Eric and I would survive this deployment and come out stronger on the other end. Have there been sleepless nights and tear-filled moments? Of course. But have him and I both accomplished great things this year despite the separation? Absolutely.

A major goal of both mine and Eric’s for 2013 is money management. We need to get Eric’s IRA set up, bump up mine quarterly, get a budget set once he is home, pay down on our car loans, and still put money away for a few things we have planned for the year and beyond.

2013 is going to be an interesting year but again I know we will handle it in stride. It will be even better to be spending most of it together.

Six Months

Taking a quick break from the pre-holiday chaos to write up a post. This week marks six months since Eric deployed. Part of me can’t believe it’s already been that long and the other part feels like it’s been forever and a day.

I was telling Eric this past weekend that he is coming home to a wife who is completely different from than when he left. When he left I was unemployed and I now have a full-time career with amazing benefits and my own office bigger than my childhood bedroom. When he left I drove a ’98 Taurus just like I have since I was 17 but when he gets home I will hopefully be in a shiny very new-ish vehicle. When he left I was sitting comfortably but healthy in the jeans in my closet, I now need to buy new ones because I’ve hit my ultimate goal weight and the pairs I own are falling off me.

These things are good – amazing in fact, and I am incredibly proud! But I wanted to make these changes with Eric. Not having to tell him about them over the phone or through the computer screen.

One thing I didn’t want to happen this deployment was change. Nine months is a long time for someone to stay the exact way they are so I knew he would be different but I didn’t think about how I would be different.

I often say “I never thought I would be an Army wife”, “I never thought I would live in Georgia”, and “I never thought I would be married to someone who was halfway around the world for nine months”. I need to realize that I am an Army wife, I do live in Georgia, and we have already completed 6 of 9ish months apart.

I can’t wait for him to be home.

From the countdown app on my phone

Why I Hate the Army

Before you get all up in my business for not being “supportive” I just want you to know that I 100% support the troops and would follow my husband to the end’s of the earth if that’s where the Army sent him.

Now that that has been cleared up, let me start with point numero uno:

Sterotypes about military spouses are there for a reason. And all of those reasons are in my husband’s current unit.

Reason number two:

No matter what way you spin it, spouse’s careers are not fully supported.

Tonight at our FRG meeting we were told return flight dates have not been set yet. I get that, we are still a little ways out. However, my husband had to turn in his leave packet last week for block leave. Because I am very new at work and taking quite a bit of time off for Christmas I need to be careful about asking off for block leave. I want to be at least 80% sure that the dates are accurate before I even bring it up and since our next meeting could potentially be less than a month out from homecoming I needed to ask tonight how “set in stone” the dates were.

Now, I get that anything could happen and the guys could be needed half way around the world in 48 hours. That’s not what I am referring to. After the capitan that was running the q&a portion of the meeting (we run our meetings battalion-wide) said he was about 90% sure the dates were set in stone he handed the mic to who I believe is the battalion commander’s wife. She responded in a very patronizing way that I should know things could come up and basically said in less words that my career was less important than my husband’s.

It took all I had in me not to roll my eyes and respond back with the same tone. But I, on the other hand, understand the meaning of respect.

A BIG December Update

This update is coming shortly after my November one because I was such a procrastinator but I have two big updates to share this month and I wanted to get this out on the 1st. Here is an update on my deployment goals for this month – see July’s update here, August’s update here, September’s update here, October’s update here, and November’s update here.

Goal #1: Get a job by mid-July

Status and Part I of the BIG update: I was offered my job permanently and signed my offer letter this past Monday, my first “official” day is this Monday, December 3rd. Before the official offer I had been talking with my mom about what the pay might be like. I obviously had a ballpark of an idea since I was working the same position as a temp but my mom mentioned that I might end up taking a pay cut instead of a pay raise because they would now be offering me benefits. I ended up getting a generous pay raise and am still in a little shock at the salary I make. I don’t say that to brag-I’m in shock because I am absolutely blessed to have such a wonderful paying job in this economy. On top of that I had ZERO financial experience before I started the temp job so I truly hit the jackpot there. I only glanced at my benefits package but I’m pretty sure my company offers awesome benefits. And the people I work with are great! Win win win all around.

;

Goal #2: Volunteer (no set date)

Status: Accomplished! I started coaching in mid-October and while very unorganized it has been a lot of fun. The time commitment is a bit more than I had originally been told but I’m rolling with it and it is helping my weeks fly by.

Goal #3: Finish my two nutrition courses by the end of February

Status: Still waiting on my results from my second course and haven’t started my third course yet. Hopefully I will be getting to that soon.

Goal #4: Get and stay healthy and fit

Status: I have fallen off the bandwagon on the fitness front the last two weeks. I think a big part is the time change but I know that’s just an excuse. I am still eating fairly health and this morning when I stepped on the scale I expected to have gained a pound or two or three but have lost a pound putting me at 137. I had to get my finger print scanned as part of my pre-employment screening and the girl administering the scan had to ask my weight. I told her I was probably about 140 and she said “wow, you don’t look like you weigh that”. That could obviously be taken a few different ways but I’m going to take it as a compliment. I know these past two weeks have lacked movement but between eating heathy and the hard work before this little slump I feel really good and it was nice to hear a compliment. Oh and that brings me to a funny story – the guy working the register at Home Depot said I “didn’t look like I was from around here”. I asked him what the heck he meant by that and he said I looked like a model. I won’t lie-that was really awesome to hear! And it motivated me to put a little more effort into my hair and make up this week since apparently it doesn’t hurt.

Goal #5: Do what it takes to stay sane and thrive through this deployment

Status: Doing good, Eric and I have started reading “The Love Dare” and I will be writing a post about that soon. Before he left we talked about using this deployment to bring us closer together and this is doing just that.

Goal #6: Be financially ready to buy a newer used car by February

Status and part II of the BIG update: I was pre-approved for a car loan tonight with an awesome interest rate and will be buying a car when I am home for Christmas!! I am so so excited! I was originally going to purchase the car here in GA but my mom convinced me to buy while I am at home and ship it down here. There will be a small cost to ship it but I will have more time to look (I would literally only have one day here in GA while my mom was in town) and my dad would be a better person to bring with to do a quick look-over of everything. I’m pretty specific on what I want – a white 2011 VW Jetta with heated leather seats and a sunroof. Haha, I know, that’s really specific. Atlanta is a big city but back home we live between Milwaukee and Chicago so my chances of finding close to what I’m looking for are a little higher.

;

And without violating OPSEC (because I honestly couldn’t even violate it if I wanted to since I don’t know any dates) I’m hoping I only have two more updates to do before Eric is home!

A Christmasy Thanksgiving

If you’re from anywhere that gets snow, being outside here today would not have felt anything like Thanksgiving. It was a beautiful, sunny and 75 degree day. Inside our apartment, however, was bursting with Christmas fun.

Instead of stuffing myself full of delicious food I skyped with Eric and put up our tree and other decorations. Then I took my wild child dog to the park for a few hours of fresh air.

Overall it was a great day, I skyped for almost five hours with Eric today. Gosh I love that man and those five hours felt like five minutes. Am I sad I didn’t partake in any of the Thanksgiving celebrations? You betcha-Thanksgiving is my second favorite holiday. But at least I was at here and not thousands of miles from home. Missing a holiday is a very small sacrifice I am glad to make because my husband is off serving our country. And for him and the many others, I am so thankful.

Putting up the tree “together”

I love Christmas lights

November Update

I’m about 17 days late on this but I have been a busy busy bee and never got around to writing. We are chugging along on this deployment and I am so excited that it’s almost Christmas time. I debated on putting up Christmas decorations at all, a big part of me just wants to skip through everything till homecoming, but Christmas is such a magical time and I can’t wait to put up my tree on Thursday! Though I am not skipping the Christmas fun here (I will actually be home in Wisconsin on Christmas) I am skipping Thanksgiving because it just wasn’t possible for me to go home. I figured a fun way to spend that day off work would be putting up the tree so for all you bah-humbug types who don’t thing anything Christmas should be happening until after Thanksgiving..well, bah humbug! Here is an update on my deployment goals for this month – see July’s update here, August’s update here, and October’s update here.

Goal #1: Get a job by mid-July

Status: Accomplished! I interviewed for a job the day after Eric left, found out I got the job the following day, and then started two days later.

An update: I was “offered” my positon full time with the company but I put that in quotes because now things have changed a bit and they accepted outside applications for the job. It’s been a bit confusing because most people were under the impression that the job was mine and have started giving me more responsibility for the short term and long term. However, my boss has mentioned that there were 35! applications for the job and that the HR department had to go through the resumes and pull out those who weren’t qualified. Well folks..besides the fact that I am actually doing the job..I am not qualified! My position is in financial services and I am a public relations grad, I know very little about finance. On the other hand, my boss has told me that he does not see any issues with the “hiring process” so I am at a wait and see point right now. I am sitting down with him on Monday to talk about the job and what I have done and learned since starting in June. The good thing is one of the girls who works on the floor was just telling my boss what an awesome job I have been doing at helping out with accounts that have been assigned to me. So, fingers crossed and hopefully my December update includes a 401k plan 🙂

Goal #2: Volunteer (no set date)

Status: Accomplished! I started coaching in mid-October and while very unorganized it has been a lot of fun. The time commitment is a bit more than I had originally been told but I’m rolling with it and it is helping my weeks fly by.

Goal #3: Finish my two nutrition courses by the end of February

Status: Accomplished as much as it can be at this point. I am such a procrastinator and waited until the very last minute, or a little past, to mail in my final. I hate to sound insensitive but I lucked out because Sandy hit hard on the town my exam was being sent to so mail was a few days delayed. I will hopefully have my results before the end of the year. Now I just need to working on my third and last course.

Goal #4: Get and stay healthy and fit

Status: Doing good! I signed on as a BeachBody coach but then got super busy so that has taken a bit of a back seat at the moment. However, I am doing the Insanity program and feel a lot stronger than I did 5 weeks ago. I haven’t seen the scale move at all but I’m not worried about it.

Goal #5: Do what it takes to stay sane and thrive through this deployment

Status: Doing very well – we had our first sorority alumni association meeting and are in the process of scheduling the second one so that has been a nice addition to my social life. Eric and I have also started the Love Dare and can I just say I have the best husband ever? He is so amazing and even when we have a great marriage he loves to do things to make it even better. I truly am blessed with him.

Goal #6: Be financially ready to buy a newer used car by February

Status: Oh that pretty car – I am getting ready to search for one soon but my bank account isn’t quite where I wanted it to be. As long as I am hired on in my position I will not stress about having to take a small car loan.

That feels good to look at!

An Update

I have been busy, busy, busy the last couple of weeks and I don’t see a break until at least the weekend before Halloween. That’s partly my fault because I should already have my final exam done for my course but instead will need to spend my weekend finishing it.

My mom and a family friend were down here from Wednesday to yesterday and it was nice having someone else in the apartment but man am I exhausted. Their flight got in late Wednesday night so I didn’t get to bed till after midnight. I worked a half day then got lunch and ran around getting Eric’s car tags renewed. I worked another half day Friday, grabbed lunch with them, and we rushed to post for a meeting I was supposed to have at 230. I was irritated when she wasn’t there and I saw an email from earlier that morning canceling. If you have my phone number and I don’t respond-call me. It’s only the polite thing to do. After that we toured the city and did some shopping. Saturday morning we were up early and drove down to Panama City. There was a small fiasco with my hotel reservation not being in the computer and no rooms being available but we got it worked out thankfully. You know that feeling of needing a vacation after a vacation? I totally felt like that on Monday but because I am helping out with a girl at work on medical leave I again went in for a half day of work, got lunch, drove to the airport to drop my visitors off and had to turn around and head to post for swim practice. I am a volunteer coach for the youth swim team and it was the first practice-I was told practice was 530 to 630 but it’s actually till 7. I didn’t leave the pool till 730 and then got home and started day 1 of Insanity! I’m so excited about it but oh man, I’m so tired from these past few days. Oh-and I have to call about 40 women because I am starting up a local alumni association for my sorority with another girl here. I wanted to be busy during this deployment so it would fly by (I was super busy in college and thrived on that) but now I feel like I have a little too much on my plate. I decided to go ahead and skip the FRG meeting tonight so I can catch up on dishes and laundry at home but tomorrow will again be another long day.

On a good note – I should be hearing from Eric soon and this should be the last time in the deployment we go without communication (hopefully – I am so over this deployment) It’s also his birthday tomorrow and we hit a really big milestone in the deployment VERY soon!

Sorry this is a long, probably incoherent post but I had a bit of time at work because outlook is down. Time to find something to do – is it spring yet?