Falling Into Place

My biggest struggle with being married to the military, and in life in general, is making peace with the unknowns. I am a planner and like to know what the future holds. These past two years I’ve become better about rolling with the punches and letting what happens, happen.

With Eric’s end of service date approaching and our plans to start a family set I’m itching to have at least a general sense of direction for us.

After a few conversations over Facebook chat, because that’s where all important discussions should take place, Eric and I have a road map of sorts for the next two years.

And, breathe out. I feel so much better knowing that we aren’t heading into 2014 with two potential major changes – a baby and an unemployed husband – and figuring it out as we go. Yes, I know there will be bumps along the way and not all will work out as planned, but at least we now have a destination in mind.

What are these grandiose plans, you ask? Number one and the biggest of all is to start growing our family. Next is the decision to move when our lease is up in July. I really hate that we do not have any outdoor space so I am going to look at a nicer apartment complex tonight and another one on Saturday. And finally, Eric is going to start working towards his bachelor’s degree when he gets home. I want him to be college-educated and I want him to take advantage of his GI Bill as he does not have the option to pass it along to our children. While he is in school I will continue working until mid-2014 when I will begin looking for a job down in the Tampa area where we want to move. Once I secure a job Eric will transfer schools and we will finally have reached most of our big goals.

Here’s to hoping for a successful few years and a lot of good times along the way.

Thoughts

This blog is a journal of sorts for me. I love the art of writing and looking back at where I was in life at different times. I had mentioned in a past post how Eric and I had wanted to try and get pregnant when we came home from deployment only to later find out that our Tricare coverage was ending sooner than we thought. These past few months I have been struggling with the fact that I so badly want to start a family. Family and friends are having babies they didn’t plan and it made me jealous. After being hired on permanently at work I find myself, finally, where I should be. Eric has done such a great job of saving while he is deployed and we know I can carry our insurance when Eric gets out of the Army but we are living in a city we don’t want to stay in. We couldn’t possibly risk the chance of getting pregnant and bringing a baby into this world with so many uncertainties in our future. Not only that, but if we do move like we so badly want to we would have to wait even longer so I can build up time at a job I don’t even know if I could find.

Eric has handled my very loud frustrations about our situation with both grace and understanding. While I was home over the holidays Eric brought up the idea of extending his contract. At first I was adamantly against the idea but he explained that it would only be for a few months. I was still hesitant, I know how ready he is to be done with this chapter in life but we quickly came to realize that perhaps a few months longer in the Army wouldn’t hurt. We would have free health care for a little longer, he would have guaranteed employment for a little longer, and most importantly, it opens up the opportunity for us to try and get pregnant.

If we do not get pregnant by June we again have to put family planning on the back burner but I am so excited and so is Eric. It’s finally our turn.

Disappointed

I really wanted to blog about my trip home tonight but I’ve lost the motivation. I was at dinner with a friend last night and she mentioned that I might have received incorrect information about Tricare benefits once Eric gets out of the Army. Eric had told me that we will be covered under Tricare for 180 days after his ETS (end time of service?) date. From what I have read tonight our Tricare coverage will actually end ON his ETS date. 

Those 180 days were crucial to our plan of starting a family. Since we talked about it I have been 150% into the idea of trying to get pregnant after this deployment. Going home for a good friend’s babyshower only fueled my major baby fever. 

Now our baby plans our on hold for at least a few years. Years. 😦

Where I’m At and What I’m Doing

What a crazy week this has been! It’s only Thursday but I’m in a shuttle on the way to the airport. I’m heading home to Wisconsin for a friend’s baby shower and visiting with family and I’m so excited.

I’m also picking up our wedding album while I’m there and I can’t wait to see it. I know, we were married over a year ago, but a cross country move right after the wedding kind of put that on hold for a while and then life happened.

I decided to take a shuttle to the airport instead of drive but it was hard pulling in there this morning. The last time I was there Eric was picking me up. I miss that man so much and this deployment never gets easier. I’m officially into the “routine” stage and the days come and go but it’s still not the same without him here.

Thank goodness for cute faces like these to come home to every day

Hello August, Let’s Have Babies!

I clearly remember reading Milspouse blogs in 2010-2011ish and the ones going through a spouse’s deployment always welcomed the first of the month with open arms. Now that I’m in that position IT. FEELS. GOOD.

I’ve started getting busy at work on a consistent basis and my days seem to come and go in a blur. On more than one occasion I had to ask what day of the week it was yesterday. The only downfall to being so busy? My nights have turned terribly unproductive. Last night was the worst one of all because of a conversation Eric and I had on Facebook chat during my lunch hour.

We’ve been saving quite a bit of money since he has left and are both excited to continue to see our savings grow. Eric mentioned going somewhere for a nice weekend when he gets back but I told him that we should “save our money so we can move and have babies”. Yes I want kids, four of them, and Eric is well aware of it. He wants kids too but just not yet. Instead of responding with his usual, “yes hunny, someday” he told me that  he has been thinking about it and would like to try starting a family after he gets home. Uhm, WHAT!?! He says he’s ready and wants to have six months of us time when he gets home and then try.

That conversation is the only thing I have thought about for the last 24 hours. At first I was like, heck no. As much as I really want to we just aren’t in a good position. I’m working at a great job with really good pay right now but it’s temporary and I’m not sure if it will turn permanent. Eric is getting out of the Army less than a year after he gets back from the desert and ideally we would like to move to the Tampa Bay area.

I’m an over-analyzer and started thinking about the what-ifs. I looked at a calendar and realized as long as I’m still employed, if we got pregnant within five months of him getting home we would be covered under Tricare until after the baby is born and that would save us a ton of money in healthcare costs. I brought up the news to my mom to see what she would say because I honestly didn’t know how I felt about it. Good idea? Terrible idea? I didn’t know. I figured she would be against it since our future is so up in the air but she said you never can really be fully ready for a baby and being under Tricare might be a good idea. Well that changed my whole perspective and I was totally into the idea from that point on.

Eric and I talked a bit more about it today and he was really wanting to wait the six months after he got home but saw the logic in my idea. We plan on keeping it in mind and talking about it more as the time gets closer. All I know is we went from not even truly thinking about starting a family yet to putting the idea on the table of getting pregnant in the next year.

So that’s how my life potentially changed on the last day of July. Hellooooo August!